I wrote this while I was at work without a book. Sometimes there’s just nothing to do there while waiting for Chas to come out and tell us where we will be and the new updates that have gone on with our tests.

Summer blossoms the trees to green
Flowers wilting, a week ago gleamed
Sun shimmers and kisses the flesh
Many should have gotten much much less

Browns, reds, golds confetti the grass
Green seems to be something of the past
Heat slowly simmers to the seventies
Lost with the heat is our bit of privacy

Winter rolls in with it’s slim chance of snow
Wishes to santa the temperature would drop low
Rainy days, Rainy nights, timeless sleep
Season of gift giving, gifts we don’t need

The time of rain the time of love
Slowly taking off those mittens and gloves
Trees budding, the flowers begin to bloom
Less people are affected by winter’s gloom.

Seasons come and seasons go
But keep your memories close

Be they of Spring, Autumn, Summer or Winter
You might find out you really did miss her. 

I’m a little ashamed of it but I’ve been posting in this blog in private just because I don’t want people to be cyber stalking my site and finding out that I like them in certain ways and then tell me that they don’t like me. I’m just happy being friends with someone if they don’t like me more then that, but I find over and over again that people seem to have it in their minds that even though I promise that I will no longer act a certain way they ‘no longer want to be my friend’ per say.

Tomorrow I plan on going to Powells with or without a friend of mine. If he calls me back, good. If not then oh well. He missed his chance to get out of his place. Downtown is always a wonderful place to go to on the weekend, especially before they close the Saturday Market. It’s always a wonderful… crowded… place to go to on the weekends.

The bridal shower that I attended today was alright. I get embarrassed too easily I’d say, otherwise it was probably fine for everyone else. The games that had to do with penises were very embarrassing and I got plenty of people making fun of me because they know of my lack of sexual contact throughout my life.

I don’t know sometimes what I should or should not be putting into this blog, but oh well. I don’t think anyone even reads this thing anymore.

So today I was getting bossed around like no other. You know I am usually fine being the Lacky, but when someone actually starts getting angry at me because I didn’t straighten the pencil correctly that’s when I start getting upset. I do also appreciate a please and thank you every once and a while. Everyone knows that I always say it. 

I don’t know why but I have been getting on Adriene’s nerves. I didn’t know what was supposed to happen when things get flashed or when new units get put into place so when she got all pissed off at me for not knowing what the hell was going on that’s when I was about to start crying.

At least I got a little cheering up from a few people. Nick, Garen, Mark. I got to laugh a little today at least. I can’t wait till Saturday when I finally get to game and see everyone… They’re all going to be pissed at me though and want me to eat more…

Every night when I’m driving home I’m almost driving in pitch black because there is a certain part of I205 that has no lights around it. That area is from the Padden Parkway Exit all the way to the Salmon Creek Exit. For those minutes that I’m driving on the road all I can think about is whither I could accidently run something/someone over just because they could be drunkenly stumbling across the freeway or it fell off someone’s trailer. I know this would cost millions but I just don’t feel safe driving down that path. I’m almost about to take Padden Parkway all the way up to I5 and then just jump onto it to go home but I know that 78th street also has some of the same issues.

I feel so bad for him because I totally know what he’s going through.

whoistravisclark:

I’ve always been open about my personal life with people who care about me so I wanted to say something: Sasha and I after 8 years have come to an end. We grew apart while I was on the road touring for the past 3 years. I think she will always love me but in this case she fell out of love with me….

Sometimes I wonder how far I will go just for that little bit of social contact. I was totally bother my friends while they were busy during my lunch at 10:15-10:45ish. I know that I should have just left them alone, but I just could not get myself to stop. I needed something to do. I needed an output, acceptance.

I always have felt like an outcast with my epilepsy. I have always let myself put myself out of social groups. Never even trying to make friends really, or even trying to put forth the effort to push myself into the groups that are already formed, because I feel that I myself will be shunned if I ever had a seizure or just acted a little too weird.

Mainly because I’m not much like many other girls my age. I don’t like Hollister, or Coach, or any of those brand name things. I like my own style, I like nerdy things, I like music, and books and puzzles. I don’t really care much for jewelry and if I do wear it I will because someone bought it for me and I feel I should, or I kinda like someone, and I want to be a little subtle…

I don’t know. I just try to go with the flow and I find myself completely lonely. I wish I could talk to people but I almost feel like they avoid me. Some people at my new job I think are.

Oh well…

Lifeless Days

Hours gone by

No sound is heard

Hallways are walked

all long and endless

Dreams can’t escape

there is no sleep

No destination

and no beginning

long lasting sorrow

in neverending days

The lifeless live

and we are them

So I have decided that on occasion when I get home from work I will now write a diary post when I am not so dead that I need to just crash. This is pertaining to the fact that I have been lacking in the diary entries as of late.

The Music that I have attached is basically just because I miss my favorite band and it is a tribute to Armor For Sleep and what they used to be before they broke up.

I as I have said now have a new job. I work late into the night/next day. I have not much chance for a social life, and I am really kinda feeling it right now. I’m looking at old friends and wanting a hug, looking at co-workers and just wanting to talk about past mistakes or fun times. I just need some time to vent, some social contact, but instead I’m being a workaholic which is almost worse then a alcoholic. At least they get some social interaction.

I Just wish sometimes that I could finish this Pharmacy Tech thing right now and get a job that paid more and had less hours then these two that I’m working right now. But I’m afraid that it doesn’t work like that, ever.

Well, I hope that everyone doesn’t turn out like me and has a good, happy social life.

Virtual Hugs. Enjoy the song

Is it right to like a colleague? I don’t know how he feels back and I don’t have the guts to ask him or anyone of his friends.

Lately I just haven’t been able to get him out of my mind. I’ve been trying to forget about it but I instead see him at work and he always smiles at me, and/or asks how I’m doing and if I’m getting off work.

I just don’t know anymore.

Inside the depths of my being I know that I cannot let him go. That I will hold onto that string of hope. But also that one little strand of hope needs to be severed sometime traumatically by someone or something. I don’t know how, because I’ve already lied to myself countless times over and over about certain things and instead of believing what he himself told my best friend I believe myself.

I wonder at times what is really healthy for my body and my soul. I know that instead of being a good influence on this earth I know that I am usually a bad one. But so is most of the human population. Right? But there are the times when I wonder what is right and what is wrong and I do the complete opposite of both and take a totally different path, the one that does nothing. 

I know that I have participated in unrequited love. I know there are many that have. But I still find it hard to let go of that little glimmer of hope.

There are people these days now that consider one date going steady. Which is usually not the case.  I wish people would see past that one date and figure why it didn’t work. Maybe if one date didn’t mean going steady I wouldn’t be afraid to go on dates, I also would have probably let this guy go.

I’m not too different from the rest of society am I?

So… I’m confused… FIFA starts in June.. @_@

Clue, Kings’ Carriage Style:

(based on the true story)

Crime: FIFA Soccer 2010 went missing in the Kings’ Carriage. Nobody seems to know where it is or what happened to it.

Facts:

1) The game was last scene on the morning of April 27th, 2010 by @RealTalkChrisV.

2) Somebody cleaned the…