Sometimes I wonder how far I will go just for that little bit of social contact. I was totally bother my friends while they were busy during my lunch at 10:15-10:45ish. I know that I should have just left them alone, but I just could not get myself to stop. I needed something to do. I needed an output, acceptance.

I always have felt like an outcast with my epilepsy. I have always let myself put myself out of social groups. Never even trying to make friends really, or even trying to put forth the effort to push myself into the groups that are already formed, because I feel that I myself will be shunned if I ever had a seizure or just acted a little too weird.

Mainly because I’m not much like many other girls my age. I don’t like Hollister, or Coach, or any of those brand name things. I like my own style, I like nerdy things, I like music, and books and puzzles. I don’t really care much for jewelry and if I do wear it I will because someone bought it for me and I feel I should, or I kinda like someone, and I want to be a little subtle…

I don’t know. I just try to go with the flow and I find myself completely lonely. I wish I could talk to people but I almost feel like they avoid me. Some people at my new job I think are.

Oh well…

Lifeless Days

Hours gone by

No sound is heard

Hallways are walked

all long and endless

Dreams can’t escape

there is no sleep

No destination

and no beginning

long lasting sorrow

in neverending days

The lifeless live

and we are them