Always feeling sick...

Sometimes I wonder why I always feel sick in the evenings.

Panic attack? No I’m usually home around that time, if not then I’m at a place that is rather comfortable.

Hunger? No, I’ve usually eaten a good healthy dinner.

Medication? Maybe, I’m just not sure on that one, maybe my pills have finally expired.

But the one thing I think it is is the fact that I never actually let something go. I just let the letter roll off my shoulders like I was never even touched. One thing I’ve noticed since then is, I felt used maybe even lied too a little.

My mother and I were both sitting down having a soda today and we were both talking about how I somehow like guys that were scruffy looking (probably because I grew up with my father). But she had to get on the point of how I didn’t like Matt, I said he was butt ugly. She said to me straight faced, “Have you looked in the mirror recently?” Which made me feel even worse.

I know that I’m probably going to be the person that’s going to grow old and never be with someone and always going to be lonely, but I don’t need it rubbed into my face. Especially by my own mother.

Life will probably never have a happy ending for me, wither it be abuse or just dying to a serial murderer. I just know it probably won’t be happy.